by His pet
i am required to send my Master
a list each night telling him what i have done that day. We have
agreed upon tasks that i am to do each day, and i am to send
him my list telling him what i managed to accomplish, and if
i didn't do something on the list, i need to tell him why i didn't.
After a couple of days in a row of not getting anything on my
list done for no particular reason, and feeling so bad about
it, i went a couple of days without sending my list at all. Was
i testing to see if he noticed? or wanting to see what would
happen if i disobeyed Him on purpose? i don't know.
Master sent me a note. It was
short, to the point, and made me feel terrible:
Please give me a 100-word
essay on why you should or should not do things as your Master
Sometimes i can punish myself
mentally far more harshly than Master punishes me physically.
After several hours of feeling really bad about not sending him
my list, i managed to write back:
The only reasons i can think
of to NOT do things You ask of me would be if i wanted to be
punished, or just wanted to get Your attention. Not very good
reasons i guess. Well.. there's also not doing something cause
it is very hard for me to do right then.
Now for the "why i should
do things my Master asks"... i want to be Yours Sir.
i want to learn how to do this right. i am submissive, but i
am also weak at times, stubborn, willful, and need to be taught
how to do this right for You. i want to please You. i
want You to control me this way. i want to do these things
for You. i have given You permission to give me tasks to do,
and i should do them or expect consequences. i want to do things
for You. i want to please You.
i have no idea why it's so hard
for me to obey. i do know that when i don't send my list
to You, it's usually because i haven't done anything on it. i
am ashamed of my lack of doing what i'm suppose to. i don't want
to send You an empty list. i feel bad about it. Maybe i just
don't want to tell You again what a failure i am at all this.
i am very sorry i disappointed
Master does get his list
every night now. i send it because i know it pleases Him, no
matter how much or little i did that day, it pleases Him that
i send it. The list is a very important way that we communicate
with each other. Whether i made my bed that day or not, that
can be taken care of with His hairbrush. When i don't sent Him
my list, it's not just disobeying Him, i feel i have disappointed
Him, and i can't stand to do that.