by His pet

i am required to send my Master a list each night telling him what i have done that day. We have agreed upon tasks that i am to do each day, and i am to send him my list telling him what i managed to accomplish, and if i didn't do something on the list, i need to tell him why i didn't. After a couple of days in a row of not getting anything on my list done for no particular reason, and feeling so bad about it, i went a couple of days without sending my list at all. Was i testing to see if he noticed? or wanting to see what would happen if i disobeyed Him on purpose? i don't know.

Master sent me a note. It was short, to the point, and made me feel terrible:

Please give me a 100-word essay on why you should or should not do things as your Master asks.

Sometimes i can punish myself mentally far more harshly than Master punishes me physically. After several hours of feeling really bad about not sending him my list, i managed to write back:

Master,

The only reasons i can think of to NOT do things You ask of me would be if i wanted to be punished, or just wanted to get Your attention. Not very good reasons i guess. Well.. there's also not doing something cause it is very hard for me to do right then.

Now for the "why i should do things my Master asks"... i want to be Yours Sir. i want to learn how to do this right. i am submissive, but i am also weak at times, stubborn, willful, and need to be taught how to do this right for You. i want to please You. i want You to control me this way. i want to do these things for You. i have given You permission to give me tasks to do, and i should do them or expect consequences. i want to do things for You. i want to please You.

i have no idea why it's so hard for me to obey. i do know that when i don't send my list to You, it's usually because i haven't done anything on it. i am ashamed of my lack of doing what i'm suppose to. i don't want to send You an empty list. i feel bad about it. Maybe i just don't want to tell You again what a failure i am at all this.

i am very sorry i disappointed You Sir.

Master does get his list every night now. i send it because i know it pleases Him, no matter how much or little i did that day, it pleases Him that i send it. The list is a very important way that we communicate with each other. Whether i made my bed that day or not, that can be taken care of with His hairbrush. When i don't sent Him my list, it's not just disobeying Him, i feel i have disappointed Him, and i can't stand to do that.

His pet

 

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