by Shunyata

There was a newsgroup discussion about sexual servitude, and where the submissive's pleasure comes from. One person stated that the sole source of pleasure should come from the knowledge that his or her Master/Mistress's pleasuring has been accomplished, and that they have performed their duty well.

Master and i agree with Shunyata's response, reproduced below.

I would say that it gives me my *greatest* pleasure, my deepest pleasure, perhaps the one pleasure that is most important to me spiritually and emotionally; but it is by no means my sole source of pleasure. I'm a very traditional man in a lot of ways, with a lot of self-esteem, and I'm a romantic. I need lots of old-fashioned give-and-take in a relationship. I need to be able to argue (respectfully, of course), I need to be able to be forceful, and I need to get my way sometimes. I need to be told I'm special sometimes, and asked for my opinion or my preference (I don't necessarily need my preference to be honored, but I do need to know that my owner cares enough to consider it sometimes). I'm human, not some machine or character in a story.

And, quite frankly, I need to know that my owner respects me and values me highly enough that she is making her own efforts to please *me*. O.K., granted, perhaps the most crucial way she can do that is by being strict with me and demanding that I please *her*, and making it clear that I'll be punished should I not do so, but still... I need to know that she is trying as hard as she can to be as good a mistress for me as I'm trying to be a good slave for her. That sort of circularity is how real relationships generally work best, be they D/s or otherwise.

I shift a little in my chair when I read about such one-sided philosophies. That may well work for some people, but in my experience, it creates a dangerously unbalanced structure, erected upon a flawed foundation of unrealistic assumptions and poorly-considered expectations. Slaves are people too, with human needs and human motivations. You can deny that for awhile, but the longer you do, the more you're gonna get crushed when it finally catches up with you.

Be well, everyone

Shunyata

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