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Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
6:11 pm - The Power of Silence
Silence is a given for me, being I am deaf.

However, it's also given me the ability to learn to communicate without needing words, something I have had many partners compliment me on. Finding someone that also has that skill is wondrous.

I have one person I play with, he canes me, and our entire scenes are usually done silently...there is no need for him to speak to me or I to him, we communicate amazingly through small gestures and watching each others body language even though we do not play often. He can be sitting across the room and I just look at him intently, without taking my gaze away when he meets it...and he knows what I want, and the canes come out. He doesn't need to stop and ask me how I'm doing; a hand on my back will get a small, barely noticeable nod from me, and he knows I'm all right to continue. If the hand doesn't move, I know he needs me to look at him so he can gauge where I am by my expression. If it gets to be too much, he's realized that the slight tense lift of my palm or the length of time that my leg lingers bent up into the air rather than remaining in position after a particularly painful stroke, means that I am nearing my limits.

When he switches canes, he will slip the end into my palm so I know what he is doing...but if I am too far into subspace, he can tell by how badly I'm shaking, and he will just slowly settle the cane into his target and continue. He will hold 3 fingers up in my line of sight, and I know he is telling me that there are 3 strokes left, and they will be the hardest, but then we are done. We've never talked about these things, they are just there and we both understand them. There is no relationship between us other than occasional play partners and friends, and it's so simple. It's very powerful for me.

With another person I play with, and this person being someone I am very close to and means a lot to me, I have also experienced this level of communication. It was fleeting, unexpected, but just as powerful...and something I just know will be a part of our play again. It makes me shiver to think of it. It's very alluring. Very fascinating. Very erotic. As much as I loved the actions in the scene we was that sharing of silent communication that made me shiver and smile. She left an impression on me without saying a word.

I look for this often in tells me a lot about a person. I often find myself thinking that people depend on words too much and don't pay enough attention to the silent details. The words only say so is the actions that go with them that give them the meaning, and the ability to communicate your wants and needs and intentions without speaking so much of a single word, is a sign of strength and security in the relationship, no matter what the nature of that relationship is.

Silent communication is one of the most powerful things I've ever experienced. It's actually more of a rarity than I ever thought it would be.

current mood: content

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