Whirl of Words

Seri's words are in black, and Old Tom's narration is in blue.

The flogging Seri described in Stand By Me was at The Leather Rose Dungeon, immediately prior to my caning of LadieJJ. Seri's caning came the day before, Friday, in the party suite.

Seri asked if I could write a scene report. But by the time I had considered writing it, Seri had already typed her own story. Her words are better than mine could possibly be... and so the story is hers.

I'm going to start at the beginning and tell you what I was feeling... thinking... wanting, from the second I met you. I told LadyHeart I was scared to talk to you because I didn't want you to get the wrong impression, because what we are talking about ARE very sensual feelings and actions; there is no denying that. So before I start, I will just say, I have no intentions other than to understand what I was feeling, and to learn what you were feeling, so that next time, I can go further.

The impression I want to make on you is one of a submissive that very much enjoyed where you took her, and wants to go there again, someday. I realize that when it all comes down to it, I am not submitting to YOU, but rather to the subspace you are taking me too. Before I go there again, I need to understand and accept... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I had heard a little about you before I met you. My first introduction to you was a short story you wrote to the mailing list. I can't even recall what it was now, but I saved it. I never save emails.

Then I read LadieJJ's poem from her last caning, and assumed the person that took her there was Davo. When she corrected me... I was mildly curious about you, and found your site. I bookmarked it, but never got around to reading it. When we would talk about caning, I would hear about how good you were, and it sparked my curiosity enough to go back and read those stories. They scared the hell out of me.

Then I met you. I was pleasantly surprised by how easy going you were. I was immediately comfortable, if not still a little awed. Your quiet, easy going humour is something I can relate to. I myself am a pretty quiet person, and I look at everything with a more serious, if not still mischievous, nature. That is me.

You let me WATCH you. You didn't seem uncomfortable by my constant gaze. I watched your hands, your moves, your eyes, your words, and your actions with others. Like I said, I was fascinated. You play to your audience, but you never lose focus on your partner. Your awareness is what made me trust you. I could relate to that. I have to be aware of what goes on around me, as well as really focus on what goes on before me, since I can not naturally do both at the same time. In a way, you do that too, when you are in a scene, and I can relate to that. This is what settled my fascination and made me decide that I wanted to play with you. I do not play with many.

Like I said earlier, I was too shy to just ASK you to play. I had it in my head that someone as experienced in the scene as you, would not get anything out of playing with a virgin like me. It IS important to me that you get something out of our play as well. I have never been able to accept that someone is doing something to please me. I need more than that. Part of what I need to hear is how YOU felt, what you thought of me. I will be more comfortable in accepting what I experienced if I understand what you felt too.

I am not a brat, other than occasional mischieviousness. That is more just my impish nature than real bratting, though. When I hid that ruler, I was immediately mad at myself. I didn't like doing something that was not my nature just to get a reaction. Later that evening I decided I would give you back the ruler, kind of my way of giving consent for you to hurt me the same way you were "hurting" others that you had known before. I realized that you would not play with someone you didn't know without some sort of consent or interest on their part, as to not, like you said, step on toes; mine or my Dom's.

The next few hours were some of the best that I had that weekend, indeed, some of the best I have ever experienced. I had used to think that subspace was an escape, an excuse to make something unsafe, acceptable. I was sorely mistaken (grin). The warm up with the strap was perfect. You took something I KNEW how would feel, something i was familiar with, to prepare me for something completely new. I'm not sure if you knew you would be caning me, I certainly had no idea. But it worked out well, in that way, as the strapping put me in the beginnings of what I would later be able to define as subspace.

I was very glad that the caning took place with me face down on the couch. On one hand, I realize this made it harder for you, as you did not have the advantage of using both sides of my backside for your canvas; thus, the aim needed to be more precise, I would imagine. More careful. This allowed me to not have to worry about keeping position. I could relax.

At this point Seri wandered off in mid-thought. She was still trying to put together in her own mind what in the world happened, and deal with the crash which happened later. By that time her friends had left town because the party was over; she had the shakes; and she was unwilling to "bother" me with this weird depression.

Days later, after she had written the above, I found her in the IRC channel. Someone with infinite tact suggested it might be good for me to check on Seri, see if she had questions. She did. We talked about what had happened, and that such crashing is normal and to be expected.

Seri, you see, has a unique talent for communicating on a nonverbal level during an S/M scene. It's a talent normally found in extremely experienced players... that is, players experienced in floating off into headspace wherein it's truly impossible to formulate a complete sentence. At that point, communication must be on a nonverbal level - but Seri could communicate this way from the start. She handled things so perfectly... who could guess she'd never been there before? Thank goodness she had friends watching out for her!

Seri explained to me that she had never experienced Subspace before. Indeed, she'd thought it did not really exist. That first stroke of the cane changed everything.

I suggested that she had a story to tell, and that its title might be "With One Stroke." By the next day she had written the most brilliant description of finding Subspace that I have ever encountered.